


Mostly Harmful

by lil_1337



Category: Defying Gravity (movie)
Genre: Angst, Discussion of Homophobia, Discussion of Racism, Discussion of Violence, M/M, Past Hate Crime
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-17
Updated: 2012-07-17
Packaged: 2017-11-10 04:54:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 876
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/462403
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lil_1337/pseuds/lil_1337
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set after Doogie and Stewy are arrested.  Griff remembers a conversation he had with Denetra and now sees it through different eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mostly Harmful

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: The italicized dialogue is taken straight from the movie everything else comes from the twisted realms of my mind. Also, the movie is set in 1997 so I've tried to keep Griff's thought process in line with the time period.

_“Oh Lord, that man is dangerous.”_

_“Doog? Nah, he's harmless.”_

_“Yeah, uh huh, yeah, right.”_

John Griffith, Griff to his friends and most of his casual acquaintances, sat on the brick steps of the frat house. His gaze lingered on and past the spot where earlier that day Doogie and Stewy had been loaded into a police car and taken away. He still couldn't wrap his head around the whole thing. Stewy was a pledge, not much more than a baby with a huge case of hero worship. Add in the fact that the kid was in a near constant state of alcohol induced haze and Griff could understand Stewy's part. He wasn't sure he could forgive it, but then forgiveness was not his to give. That privilege belonged to Pete.

It was Doogie that he couldn't figure out. No matter what direction he came at it from nothing made sense. Denetra's words and his amused dismissal ran in circles around in his head. She'd been right about Doogie and somehow Griff had missed it or denied it because it didn't fit with the person he thought he knew. It wasn't until he had shoved Doogie against the wall, holding him in place with the bat, that he had seen the anger in Doogie's eyes. Pure animal hatred that was undiluted by any sign of fear or remorse. That was the man that had beat Pete almost to death and was a complete stranger in Griff's world.

In retrospect, even knowing what he did now Griff still couldn't see the signs Denetra had been reading loud and clear. Sure Doogie made comments but so did everyone else. Snapping each other on the ass with a towel and calling each other gay for looking in the shower was just part of living with a house full of guys. They were all guilty of that kind of juvenile shit. Griff made kissy faces at Gary all the time and no one had ever thought anything of it.

What he kept coming back to bothered Griff. A lot. As a seemingly straight white male he had not been Doogie's victim of choice. The fact that he was a frat brother added another layer of protection. Thinking about the implications was enough to make Griff's stomach turn over. His brother, someone that Griff had considered a friend and shared a room with, was in reality the kind of person that haunted his nightmares. Doogie had hidden his true self well and Griff had bought the lies without even questioning them.

The bottom line was Doogie was a coward. He saw anyone who was different as less valuable. Vulnerable meant victim not someone to be protected. The worst part was he had taken Stewie along for the ride. The frat had encouraged all the brothers to take the pledges under their wings and make them into new brothers. How many times had Doogie done that? How many hate filled violent people had he helped to make? Griff's stomach rebelled, curling in on itself at the thought. Did not knowing make him any less responsible? Legally ignorance was not a valid excuse. Was morality any different?

_You're as much of a coward as he is._

Griff tried to shake off the words, but their truth would not let go. At least he hadn't hurt anyone in his cowardice or so he tried to rationalize. But even as the thought came to him he knew it was another lie. He'd hurt Gretchen by leading her on, Todd by not trusting him, and Denetra by validating her belief that being gay was something to hide. Most importantly he'd hurt Pete over and over again by being afraid of admitting his true feelings. Griff's refusal to acknowledge that what they had was more than two guys getting their rocks off had almost gotten Pete killed.

If things had been different, if he had been different, he and Pete might have been sharing a cup of coffee at the Daily Grind or a meal somewhere while Smitty and Doogie were out cruising for someone to beat up. Even a little more honesty and a little less fear would have prevented the fight that resulted in Pete walking off instead of getting a ride home.

All that aside when it came down to it, when Pete needed him to stand up say what he saw Griff still took the coward's way out and pretended he hadn't been there, hadn't seen anything. If Doogie made him ill then looking at himself made Griff want to curl up in a corner somewhere and never crawl out into the light of day.

The whole thing was too much to wrap his head around. Griff had accused Pete of wanting him to be someone different but the truth was Pete had really wanted Griff to drop the pretense and be himself. As good as it had felt to come clean Griff was now realizing that honesty came with a price too. He ws no longer squarely in the middle of safe majority where he didn't need to worry about being on someone's hit list. That meant learning to see the Doogies of the world for what they really were, mostly harmful.


End file.
